EXTREME SPORTS AND KISSING DON'T MIX, SAYS INSTITUTE FOR GNARLY STATS

NEW YORK/NEWSWIRE/--  Based on a biased and completely unscientific survey of bored board riders hanging around outside our shabby clubhouse in lower Manhattan, the Institute for Gnarly Stats – a wholly fictitious affiliate of the No-Kissing Boardriding Club ("NoK"), purveyors of fine No-Kissing™ swag for extreme boarders and those who love them (http://no-kissing.us/) – has found that kissing while board riding can lead to severe injuries.  

In a four-hundred mostly-blank page report filled with crayon doodles and released today at a local slackers convention, the Institute reported that there was a significant increase in accident rates among participants when kissing was introduced during gnarly rides.  Higher accident rates were found in all board sports the Institute tested.  During the study, surf, wake, kite, wind, skate, and snow boarders all suffered severe face plants, unintended launches, or wipe-outs (including several yard sales) when kissing was attempted during extreme board rides.  The bigger the trick, the more the kissing seemed to interfere with "nailing it".  

"Who would've thought ... ," moaned one study participant  while having his head bandaged after a particularly brutal fall following a sloppy kiss attempt.

Wanna-be pro boarder Ding Dong Dill (triple-threat master of the invert spin on land, water, and snow) proclaimed, "Rad rippers need protection -- it has never been more apparent that kissing and boarding don't mix, especially when you're in-vertical.  But, there must be some solution other than big brother type regulation by government."  Bondo “Don’t Call Me Betty” Beatrice, girl boarder extraordinaire, added "Chick riders need protection, too – GIRL BOARDERS ROCK!"

In response to the Institute’s report, NoK has announced a bunch of new products, including t-shirts, hats, bags, and stickers, designed to provide no-kissing protection while board riding.  "These products were especially designed to keep kissing from interfering with your ride – whether on water, snow, or pavement," said Palmer T, founder and spokes-grommet for the Club, "Guaranteed!"

DISCLAIMER:  These statements have not been evaluated by any government agency or responsible grown up.  The products referred to herein and sold by NoK through its website at http://no-kissing.us/ are intended for experienced riders only.  Reliance on these products to prevent injury during extreme sports would be stupid and we cannot be responsible for stupidity.  

(Oh, and our girlfriend insisted that we point out that kissing after tricks are completed is OK.)

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The No-Kissing Boardriding Club is dedicated to providing No-Kissing™ gear for extreme sport participants.  Our motto is "Buy our stuff, we need money to go boarding."  Look for our sponsored riders wearing official NoK Gear™ wherever bad boys board and good girls grove.

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